ramblings on polygamy
I woke up one morning feeling terribly disturbed by a dream
Performed solat Subuh which Hannan later joined me. After prayer, tears started to roll down my cheeks and all I wanted that time was a warm hug
Hannan: What's wrong ummi?
Me: I had a bad dream
Hannan: What was it about?
I couldn't say because the dream was about me being in a polygamy marriage. How can I explain to her? Although it was just a dream but the emotions were so intense.
I had a perception before that all men who chose to have more than 1 wife is a really, really BAD guy. Because I felt that those men are guided by their lustful desires and there is never a genuine shari'ah needs (like to help a widow and etc) in our modern days to actually validate a second marriage.
But slowly, now, my worldview is changing. Not to say that I encourage polygamy but I was late to realise that Allah validates it because He knows humans are weak. Men are weak because they cannot contain their needs and desires (if they chose to marry for beauty and whatnot) and women are weak because they view married men are the best species.
Even the Prophet is not an exception as he is after all, a human being. But what brought him to an elevated status was that he was the best to his wives and none of his wives had any issues with his attitude because he is indeed, the best of character.
Fast forward to date, I think there's one thing that men need to be clear if they choose to flirt or have a second marriage, never ever put the blame on the wife. Don't give all those bullshit excuses such as "my wife do not know how to wear make up", "she doesn't make herself look pretty at home", "she's getting fat", "she's always busy with her work and kids and didn't have time for me" cos in the end, you are the one held responsible for everything. like if you see those symptoms or problems, you, MR HOUSEHOLD MANAGER, need to fix it first. That you need to provide all the financial needs and moral support to make it happen. That you need to communicate to make her understand. Don't simply throw the blames just to cover up your weaknesses. Just accept the fact that you are indeed weak. I hope that this can bring out some sense in whoever reading this one day.
Note: this post is subsequent observation to my dream that morning and has nothing to do with my personal life as as at now
Performed solat Subuh which Hannan later joined me. After prayer, tears started to roll down my cheeks and all I wanted that time was a warm hug
Hannan: What's wrong ummi?
Me: I had a bad dream
Hannan: What was it about?
I couldn't say because the dream was about me being in a polygamy marriage. How can I explain to her? Although it was just a dream but the emotions were so intense.
I had a perception before that all men who chose to have more than 1 wife is a really, really BAD guy. Because I felt that those men are guided by their lustful desires and there is never a genuine shari'ah needs (like to help a widow and etc) in our modern days to actually validate a second marriage.
But slowly, now, my worldview is changing. Not to say that I encourage polygamy but I was late to realise that Allah validates it because He knows humans are weak. Men are weak because they cannot contain their needs and desires (if they chose to marry for beauty and whatnot) and women are weak because they view married men are the best species.
Even the Prophet is not an exception as he is after all, a human being. But what brought him to an elevated status was that he was the best to his wives and none of his wives had any issues with his attitude because he is indeed, the best of character.
Fast forward to date, I think there's one thing that men need to be clear if they choose to flirt or have a second marriage, never ever put the blame on the wife. Don't give all those bullshit excuses such as "my wife do not know how to wear make up", "she doesn't make herself look pretty at home", "she's getting fat", "she's always busy with her work and kids and didn't have time for me" cos in the end, you are the one held responsible for everything. like if you see those symptoms or problems, you, MR HOUSEHOLD MANAGER, need to fix it first. That you need to provide all the financial needs and moral support to make it happen. That you need to communicate to make her understand. Don't simply throw the blames just to cover up your weaknesses. Just accept the fact that you are indeed weak. I hope that this can bring out some sense in whoever reading this one day.
Note: this post is subsequent observation to my dream that morning and has nothing to do with my personal life as as at now
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