Of being perfect

Women want to be perfect in everything they do. Perfect wife.Perfect mom.Perfect daughter.Perfect employee.everything at one time.and they go into details to achieve that.. God just make them that way. Cos man is made to macro manage.and we need to figure out or do the details. 3 feet you say?

We think about what to prepare for breakfast. At the same time we hate to see dirty laundry piling up and dirty plates in the sink. And the garbage need to be taken out. Oh we also want a clean and tidy house. Groceries running out. And in between we think about the household income. We worry about putting all the financial burden to husbands because we are also working. So we think about co paying the house or rental or assessments and cars and bills. We worry about our husbands. "Why isn't he texting or calling? Is something wrong? He didn't kiss me goodbye this morning or before sleep yesterday. He must have seeing me ugly now." Those sort of things. We also worry about our children when we work. We want to leave office on the dot to be with them. If we breastfeed we meet the children during lunch hour. If our work or boss allows us to leave the office early that is. And we worry about our work and bosses too. You elaborate further yourself la.

So we constantly think and think and frequently we get tired of thinking. We need to cry. We need hug,comfort words,tlc.We need to take a break. We need to stay away. We need privacy. Some time alone. We need chocolate.cake.good food.retail therapy.

Kids are amazing. They can be clingy or crying altogether at once. They choose when they want to sleep. When they want to eat. When they want to wake up. When to watch tv. When to play toys. When to read books. All with your presence. Most of the time you'll have your breakfast at 11, lunch at 3. Sometimes you don't even have enough time to spend in the toilet. And sometimes when you are about to take a short nap while they are sleeping, their eyes automatically just open. It's almost like magical or some amazing capability. And when you think your world is going towards the end and you're feeling exhausted and sleep deprived, they give you the sweetest smile. Or the sudden kiss. Hug. Or the cheekiest act or sentence ever. Something that tells you this kid is special and she loves you to the moon and back.  And it just melt your heart. And you feel it's all worth it.

I felt all those emotions. Ups and downs. managed to accept that dirty laundry, messy house, dirty kitchen is okay after being convinced by hubs. But still struggling between work, financial matters and family. I can calmly tell other people who seeked for advice to take it one step at a time. But I can't tell myself that. It doesn't work.

Only until lately I realised that the story about Fatimah r.a tells me that I'm not alone.